A Mother's Musings: Living with Addie is like . . .
- sleeping next to a Richter 1 earthquake
- loving and living with an angel
- holding a fish out of water
- seeing every moment and every movement as a miracle
- when your dog gets hit by a car and confused, he looks up at you with dark sorrowful eyes pleading for help as his body shakes and convulses
- being perpetually in the newborn stage
- getting quarantined
- an emotional roller coaster--thrilling heights and horrible stomach knots as you balance precariously at the top of the hill prior toward spiraling down to valley lows
- learning to be a home and hospice nurse
- watching others eat when you're starving
- delighting in the smallest developmental movement
- being under house-arrest
- playing the game "I love you but I just can't smile" everyday and losing to Addie every time
- never fully asleep and never fully awake
- bursting with love
- a wound that never heals
- taking one day at a time
- ever stepping into the dark awaiting the light that will come
- becoming a massage/physical/occupational/vision/communication therapist
- a long-lasting longing
- playing with a doll
- holding onto hope
- living in the moment joyfully
- questioning yourself and doubting yourself daily, "Am I doing the right thing for her?"
- never planning ahead
- living in constant awe of babies/children--how they smile, coo, eat, cry, crawl, walk, lift their neck, arms, roll . . . all by themselves
- playing with a tamagotchi toy--where the pet leaves the screen and you're not sure where it went or when it will return
- trying to dress a barbie-like doll from the dollar star--the knees and elbows don't flex/bend and you must really stretch and nearly tear the clothes to get them on or off
- intense gratitude for the gift of Addie
