A Mother's Musings: The One

Early in our marriage, we’d decided to ensure all our children came before I turned 40 because of the increased risks to mom and babe after that fateful age. We, thus, welcomed all our children before I turned 38, with the “last” one born in 2012.  Then, sometime in 2014, we felt impressed that another child would like to join our family.  We had many reasons persuading us to not accept the invitation--my maternal age being one such obstacle. As we contemplated whether to accept this additional child into our lives, we voiced our fears and our faith thus:

Addie in her toy bin bathtub.

                “What if something goes wrong?  What if the baby dies?”

                “Well, then we will take comfort in knowing that we have six healthy children--we will be comforted in them.”

 WRONG!

 As we face the reality-- sometimes daily but always weekly--that death persistently shadows our precious Addie, we now understand that no amount of children, six or otherwise, could comfort the loss of this one precious soul.  Don't misunderstand, I daily send my gratitude heavenward for my six healthy ones; and I likewise send my gratitude for my little struggling baby too.  I’m only saying that we were naïve about love--its depths and its heights. 

 Love at its depths teaches me that the suffering of my one little child ripples my heart in ways that six pain-free children cannot assuage.  When the time for good-bye comes, she will be sorely missed and mourned.  Love at its heights teaches me that I have reservoirs of love to provide for both Addie and my six healthy kids.  There is no competition for love--there is enough for both the broken and the whole to withdraw from the heart.

I know now, like I didn’t before, that every child matters to God. Just because He is the Father of an incomprehensible number of souls does not take away one ounce of love, concern, or care for YOU!  He taught us this in the parable of the lost sheep in Luke 15:2-7:

Lost Sheep Video Clip

Though he could take comfort in ninety-nine safely gathered, healthy sheep, the shepherd still sought the lost, the lonely, the suffering one.  Why? Love! Reservoirs and fountains of love! Love never shrinks—it only expands.  How can God, with numberless children praying to him, attend to you?  Because you are numbered to Him (see Moses 1:35).  

Addie's brief reservoir raft ride.

Father doesn’t have a limited pool of love—His love is as far reaching as eternity.  When you hurt, He hurts.  When you are lost, He seeks you.  He will stay up night and day to attend to you in your spiritual seizing.  And when you make the tiniest bit of progress towards spiritual development, He celebrates and cheers you on (or like me & my kids for Addie, maybe he does a happy dance!)

 If I,  as the  mortal, fallen, weak parent I am, can feel so much love for and give so much of myself to one suffering child; if I can then still shower continuing reservoirs of love upon  my very precious  six children, why can't an immortal, glorified, perfect parent know and love each and every child of God? 

Of this, I can surely testify:  God knows YOU! He loves YOU! He is a very attentive Father.  No amount of "healthy" children will compensate for the suffering or pain He feels for YOU in your spiritual illness.  And no amount of suffering children will take Him away from ensuring your needs are met even when you are safely gathered with the 99.  This truth is vital for each of us to understand.  God truly IS  love--don't be persuaded otherwise--everything outside of this truth is false! Crash it, smash, it, uproot it.  Instead, BELIEVE!

"Believe in God; believe that He is . . . " (Mosiah 4:9).

"Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. . . .for God is love" (1 John 4:7-8).

Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another (1 John 4:11)

Addie Update: I am Home for Christmas!

Merry Christmas (a.k.a. in sign language) 

She's home!  Thank you to all the doctors, nurses, RTs, and staff who made this possible.  And thank you to all our friends, neighbors, family, and even strangers who have prayed her 'alive & home.' We love you!!

Onto the next mountain. . .  

--The Wightmans

 

Addie Update: In one word . . .

. . . . . . . . SEIZURES . . . . . . 

************

 Fast Sunday is "fast" approaching. If you can add our baby girl to your fast this Sunday, we'd so appreciate it.  We need help for the neurologists.  They are trying hard to find some combo of seizure meds for Addie.  So far no go--they need Heavenly help.  

And here's a Thanksgiving message I wrote this week for ThanksgivingHeroes.com. I thought you might lift the gloom from Addie's one-word update.  Love you all! --Desi

*************

I just stepped into home after a 12-hour day spent at the hospital when my son found me and said, "Mom--there's a firetruck outside our house with its lights on. "  

"Are you teasing?" He so loves to play practical jokes.   I felt too exhausted to "come and see" as he beckoned, but finally I realized he was in earnest.  

"They are probably just checking on stuff across the street. Or maybe we have a fire out back and they're coming to tell us." I knew I should've changed the 9-volt batteries in the fire alarms!  Sure enough, the blinking fire truck truly was parked outside our house. 

"Maybe they're lost!"  Then the doorbell rang, and two firemen stood on the porch wearing huge smiles and carrying an overloaded cardboard box.

 

"Do you have room in your fridge for this?"  I laughed and said, "No." They didn't listen and marched right in the door to the delight of the children and the confusion of the teenagers.  Setting the box on the counter, they said, "Happy Thanksgiving." We shook their hands in overwhelming surprise and bewilderment.  I asked my husband, "Who do we know in the fire department?" and we all laughed again.

After they left, our family gathered around the counter and looked in the box: an entire Thanksgiving feast stared up at us out of that deep box!  Instant cheer, a few tears, and a bit of chagrin showed on our faces.  "Are we on Random Acts?" my son asked.

We've spent 20 years nurturing self-reliance and getting to a point in our family where we didn't need to rely on anyone.  We like to be on the serving end, and it is hard to be in the position of need on any level.  We always know of someone worse off--never feel quite deserving.  The teens asked, "Surely we don't need this--who could we pass this joy to?"  My husband said with tears in his eyes, "This isn't because we're in need as much as it is because people love."  

We've spent the last three months nurturing our little baby Addie in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit.  We've stared at death twice as she has faced more set-backs than leaps forward. We are so grateful that she is alive and doing very well, especially considering where she's been and how much she has suffered.  We do not have a diagnosis; nor will we.  She's currently facing seizures that even adult medication cannot control.  It is frightening.  I cry . . . a lot.  We also have great hope that her life is purposeful and that her mission will be fulfilled.  We will help her through every challenge now and future.  We trust our Heavenly Father in this immense mountain she & we must climb.  

We wouldn't wish this on anyone, and yet my teenager said, "I hope when I grow up I have a NICU baby!" 

I marveled at the irony of her statement. Built upon the outpouring of love she's experienced from the kindness of friends and strangers, I feel tremendous gratitude. No one wants the accompanying challenges that spark such mercies, but how wonderfully humbling it is to find that in the midst of the mountain trail, you are carried on the wings of God's children. Lifting our spirits, our hearts, our hopes in all the goodness of mankind, you make it easier to ascend the peak.

We love you.  Thanks for Giving!

Chris & Desi 

All the kids got to hold Addie for the 1st time this week . . . 

Addie Update: Chris changes Diapers!

Thank you to all who joined us in fasting for our sweet baby!  Your faith, prayers, and sacrifices brought happy and good news to us this week.  Here's the highlights:

• A new doctor!  She's older, more experienced, and said our first meeting, "I've seen many of these cases.  It just takes time!"  That was so encouraging after last week's pessimism from defeated-feeling doctors.
• Monday, Addie started getting tube-feedings of fat-free human milk to jump-start her stomach and intestines. 
• She tolerated the initial 10 ml/day, so now she'll get 20 ml/day. She'll increase her feeds every 2 days or so as she is watched for more fluid accumulation. So far no fluid has come back into her lungs! Praying hard!!
• She pooped!  Her colon is working again, and she proved it by letting her Daddy change a very messy diaper yesterday that shot all the way up her back!  What a loving thing to do!
• Addie opened her eyes and looked at us for 15-20 minutes twice this week.  That means the puffiness in her face has diminished enough for her to finally peel her eyes open.  Pools of darkness radiate so much love and peace to us.  She is so precious!!
• Her "cauliflower" ears have flattened out and look less edematous--more like ears now.
• She's looking less taut in her chest area--still puffy, but not extended to the point of tightness.
• Her genetic DNA test came back as "normal." To my untrained heart that means that there is no permanent cause for this fluid accumulation--Addie CAN heal from this!! Super Wonderful News!!

At this point, we are just watching closely to see if fluid re-accumulates. These things can cycle over and over, but we are hopeful that with all of the prayers and fasting, love and faith applied by you, our friends, that Addie will overcome this illness sooner than later. 

Her dear Daddy spends much time with her to support her emotionally and spiritually. I testify today of the power of family love.  Our little ones (and our big ones) NEED to feel our presence, concern, and love.  Family ties are the bonds that last forever and it is never too early, nor too late, to strengthen them.  Don't delay--reach out to your family today!

With much love and gratitude for all your reaching towards us--  Desi

Awake!

I meet Grandma Donna.

My daddy is my favorite pal!

Testing out Grandma Jill's dress.

Thank you for praying for me!!

The Book of Esther: Insights into Temple Worship

In the April 2009 General Conference, Elder Bednar stated, "There is a difference between church-attending, tithe-paying members who occasionally rush into the temple to go through a session and those members who faithfully and consistently worship in the temple."  Since I fell into the category of the member rushing into the temple occasionally, I pondered, "What is the difference?"

Up to that time, I felt content with my hurried, monthly temple attendance.  After Elder Bednar's statement, however, I realized that my rushing into the temple, fretting about the little children I left at home, and my anxiety to get into the exact session I needed to minimize my time in the temple so I could get on with my life were hindrances to my  spiritual growth. As a second witness to the need to change my time-focused temple attendance, Elder Richard G. Scott in the same April 2009 conference counseled temple worshipers to "remove your watch when you enter a house of the Lord."  

It took an act of faith and obedience to set my watch in the car console; I remember feeling panicked about staying too long in the Celestial Room.  I can testify, though, that following this counsel has strengthened me spiritually.  As I forget time and stay focused and prayerful, slowing down the normal rush of my life, I have found greater sensitivity to spiritual teachings, a broader perspective of the temple ordinances, and a deeper personal commitment to holiness both in and out of the temple.  An unforeseen blessing came when I learned in my daily walk to rush less, to focus on one task, instead of multi-tasking every minute of every hour, and to ponder and meditate.

This overall slowing down and focusing less on the clock enabled me to learn, at least in a small degree, the difference between members who rush in and out of the temple occasionally versus those who consistently worship there.  The story of Esther illustrates what I've learned most effectively.

When King Ahasuerus of Persia sought a new queen, his officials combed the empire looking for "fair young virgins" to bring into the House of the Women.  Esther, "fair and beautiful," took her place among the women gathered at the Palace in preparation for their "days of purification."  Esther shone out among all the women gathered due to her contented, kind nature, and found favor with Hegai, keeper of the women, who advocated the best place for her in the house.

What purpose did the House of the Women play in the lives of these virgins?  Coming from the various provinces and backgrounds, these women lived very different lives than royalty.  Were some peasants? merchant's daughters? low-level gentry?  In the case of Esther, we read of her uncle Mordecai before the King's gate, implying that Esther's family lived on the outside of royal circles.  Since Mordecai instructs Esther not to reveal her ancestry, her Jewish heritage also indicates the low social status of her family in the Persian city of Shushan.  

Regardless of backgrounds, not one of these women was prepared to meet a king.  The House of the Women, then, became their educational center to prepare for their eventual private meeting with King Ahasuerus.  Not only were they bathed with water, but for 6 months oil of myrrh diminished their calluses, buffed out their rough elbows and knees, glossed their tresses, and softened their coarse skin.  The remaining 6 months left time for soaking up sweet odors to cleanse the daughters of the stench of commoners.  Meanwhile, these virgins were most likely given opportunity to learn every royal grace and palace manner.  Instructed in the customs, language, accent, history of the royal family, these maidens learned their role as women in the house of a king and were prepared in every needful way for their inevitable interview.  Every maiden was given the same opportunities to learn and the same items for purification, but their haste or conscientiousness in learning and applying these resources would eventually reveal itself before royalty and in their personal confidence before a king.

At the day of their reckoning, with veiled faces, the maidens, one by one and one-on-one met with the King.  Of all the virgins, Esther found grace, favor and love in the eyes of the king.  Chosen as queen, she received royal robes, a crown made to fit her fair head, and a place of residence in the King's mansion.  At a banquet proclaimed in her honor, Esther presided with her husband and feasted with him.  

In humility, Esther approached the King and bowed before him at least three times.  She nurtured the king and sought His will and welfare first before seeking her own interests.   The king, in turn, honored her three requests and bequeathed upon her power to conquer her enemies and to become a "savior" to them, preserving both her family and her genealogy from extinction.  Through Esther's influence and her uncle's valiance and honor in promoting the king's interests, Mordecai also entered as an invited guest into the King's palace and eventually was also endowed with power to stand next to the king in authority and might.  Seeking the welfare of his people, Mordecai taught the gospel of "peace to all of his seed."  (See the Book of Esther)

Astoundingly, this story teaches about the purpose and the power of the temple.  Like the House of the Women, the temple becomes a place of purification and learning.  There, access to the cleansing power of Christ's Atonement and the refining fire of the Holy Ghost comes to full fruition.  Like royalty of old, we are cleansed with water and anointed with oil, clothed in royal robes and brought to a place of instruction.  Here we have potential to become well-versed in the customs, manners, qualities, and graces of God's Kingdom.  If we are valiant, and not hasty, in applying these lessons in our everyday lives, we grow from grace to grace in holiness.  Through obedience to covenants, we turn from the stench and decay of fallen man, and seek, instead, the "sweet odors" of repentance.  We wash our minds of all carnality and evil, refusing to soil our hearts anymore with the degrading sins of the natural man (commoner).  We are granted power over all our enemies, blessed with the ability to save our ancestors, and through our service can bring them into the presence of a king.  The temple becomes the training ground for our eventual interview, one by one and one-on-one, with the true King.  If found worthy and virtuous, the veil separating us from Him will be lifted, an invitation to feast at the Lord's banquet will be offered, and we shall be given a place in His mansions.  Through our righteous influence and service, our influence will extend over "all our seed" and the gospel of peace will inspire generations.   

As I've lost track of time in the temple, I've learned to focus more upon the holiness lessons taught within those sacred walls.  Focus leads to greater understanding and deeper application.  Now when I leave the temple, the temple stays with me.  Promptings of the Spirit come more readily and my sensitivity to recognize them increases.  I learn to apply my "things for purification" daily, instead of randomly dabbling in them.  This more frequent, deeper immersion in "holiness treatments" from the temple may be the "difference between church-attending, tithe-paying members who occasionally rush into the temple to go through a session and those members who faithfully and consistently worship in the temple." (expanded from Sacrament Meeting talk on January 12, 2015)