When I consider Job, my mind turns to his tragic losses of children, property, and health. He suffered loss upon loss, but what I never understood before now was how tragic it would be to have your friends “contend against thee.” In this experience with Addie, my community of support has buoyed me up and cocooned me from so much sorrow. I have been completely carried by the prayers, fasting, and goodwill of you all. In fact, I think one fourth of the tears I’ve shed is in overwhelming gratitude for the ministry of my friends.
I am astounded by the power of small & simple acts of love. So often as I’ve thought to bring an offering of love to a friend in need, I am bombarded with thoughts like these: “Oh--this is lame.” Or “This is so small--hardly worth the effort.” Or “My efforts are almost embarrassing--what can I really give?” Or “Just go home--there is no way you can touch the grief here, and you’ll only make things worse.” Well--it is now obvious to me that those thoughts are from the Adversary. On the receiving end of much ministry these past 5 months, I am cognizant that the tiniest things matter. Every act of service and love is like a drop of healing in the vessel of the grieving heart. The “size” of the effort doesn’t matter--each drop works to soothe pain and to fill the the heart with overflowing peace. Every prayer, every fast, every tear, every email, every hug, every smile, every visit, every meal, every gift, every toilet scrubbed or wall washed, every floor swept or vacuumed or shampooed, every weed pulled, every donation, every sacrifice, every cookie on a plate, every play-date, every reaching out to my kids, every letter, every word of encouragement, every silence of not knowing what to say, every offer, every offering, every thought sent my way--thank you for your ministry. I feel overwhelming abundance & gratitude in the community of true believers that surround me both near & far. My only hope is that I can be as good a friend from now on as you have been to me. Thank you from my depths!
--Doctrine and Covenants 121:1,4
In the midst of trial & in much need of guidance, I felt stunned that I could not receive revelation. I asked, “Why are the heavens closed against me when I need help the most?” I wondered, “Where is God? Why can’t I feel His presence and comfort when I’m in such need?” “Have I offended Thee?”
In reality, my mind and heart burned with anxiety, stress, loss, grief, pain, sorrow, and sleeplessness. It wasn’t that the heavens were closed against me, it was more that my own coping mechanisms prevented me from feeling God’s love and receiving guidance. I had to get to a place of trust in what was happening, a place of calmness, and a place of repentance and humility before I could receive the answers for myself--that took months & months.
Meanwhile . . .heaven got through to me through you! So often, you became the answer I sought. You showed up at just the right time in email, text, or doorstep visit. You said things in passing that answered my question. You didn’t even know that you were acting in behalf of heaven to get through to me. While I sorrowed at the loss of my own access to God, I marveled that He did not stop in His attempts to reach me. He just used you! Thank you for listening & for being His ministering angels.
