Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts

Sunday, September 13, 2020

FULL CIRCLE

About 5 years ago, I started the blog to do something about abortion.  As I read the scriptures and attended the temple, I came to realize that as women, if we do not mother all life on this planet, who will?  Thus, themotherofallliving.blogspot.com was born to promote life. In the busyness of motherhood, I only posted a few things initially.  Then Addie came along, and this blog became a way to update others on her progress & her precious, valued life.  She has taught me so many things.  One of her lessons is below and it makes this blog come full circle for me. Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash



Find this entire article with its sources and documentation at this link:

FULL CIRCLE


I often recall reading Shirley Jackson’s haunting short story “The Lottery” in junior high. A normal village routinely comes to the town square for the annual lottery.  After the officiator reads the rules, each household head draws a paper from the lotto box. One person draws a black dot. Tickets for every member of his household are then returned to the box. The family member who draws the black dot then walks to the center of the town square to be stoned by their remaining family members and townspeople. Though there’s talk of abandoning the lottery in other villages, the elders of the town emphasize that those villages are a ‘“pack of crazy fools; listening to the young folks, nothing’s good enough for them. Next thing you know, they’ll be wanting to go back to living in caves . . ..“‘


And so the village persists in a horrifying tradition year after year, decade after decade, century after century, in order to have a  “bountiful harvest” in their town. Stories like this have always caused me great pause: are there any traditions we hold to that are never questioned but that cause great harm to some in order to preserve others?


I’ve often prayed to God to show me what false traditions I linger under. The answers have come in startling, awakening ways.  One such experience came when Addie lived in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU) for four months. After a few weeks in the highest level of care, the nurse asked permission to give Addie her immunizations.  If my daughter had not been lingering between life and death, I wouldn’t have thought anything about it and would have consented.  But there, in that room of monitors and beeping machines, of 24-hour nursing care, of a respirator breathing for her, of tubes and cords running all over her little body, her bed, and her floor, I zoomed out and took a broader look at something I’d never seen before. Why, I wondered, are they even asking if I’d like to immunize her when we don’t even know what is wrong with her and whether or not she will live?  


I decided then and there that I needed to do some research.  My basic question was, “Should we be giving immunizations to sick, seizing, premature infants? The next day, I went to the library and picked up books for and against childhood immunizations. Then, as I sat at the hospital pumping out milk for the donor bank (they wouldn’t let Addie have my milk), I read the opposing arguments. Very quickly, I came across a term in the ingredient list called “human diploid cells.” What on the earth are “human diploid cells?” I wondered.  And that’s when I went down a rabbit hole.


In a nutshell, human diploid cells started from aborted fetuses in the 1960s. If you do research on human diploid cell lines on the internet, you will find the following quote or derivative of it: 


“In total only two fetuses, both obtained from abortions done by maternal choice, have given rise to the human cell strains used in vaccine development. Neither abortion was performed for the purpose of vaccine development.”


I can tell you that this is a lie intending to deceive and assuage the public! The likelihood of scientists getting their experiments to work on two fetuses only would be highly random.

I did not believe this statement, and so I dug deeper.


One-hundred and six aborted babies later . . . and counting . . . .


You don’t have to take my word for it. Here are some of the quotes from the scientists

themselves working on developing vaccines from fetuses screened, aborted, and utilized

specifically for that purpose (see the entire expose on this subject, which is my main source

for this information at https://cogforlife.org/vaccines-abortions/ and the citations for the

following quotes here: FULL CIRCLE ).


“The isolation and characterization of human diploid cell strains from fetal tissue make this type of cell available as a substrate for the production of live virus vaccines. Other than the economic advantages, such strains . . . make the consideration of their use in the production of human virus vaccines a distinct possibility.”


“This fetus was chosen by Dr. Sven Gard, specifically for this purpose. Both parents are known, and unfortunately for the story, they are married to each other, still alive and well, and living in Stockholm, presumably. The abortion was done because they felt they had too many children. There were no familial diseases in the history of either parent, and no history of cancer specifically in the families.”


“One of my duties as a young student in the laboratory in Stockholm was to dissect human fetuses from legal abortions and send organs to the Wistar Institute. Such material was the source of many important studies of cell lines at the Institute, such as Leonard Hayflick’s study of WI-38 cells.” 


“Explant cultures were made of the dissected organs of a particular fetus aborted because of rubella, the 27th in our series of fetuses aborted. This fetus was from a 25-year-old mother exposed to rubella 8 days after her last menstrual period. 16 days later she developed rubella. The fetus was surgically aborted 17 days after maternal illness and dissected immediately. Explants from several organs were cultured and successful cell growth was achieved from lung, skin, and kidney. It was then grown on WI-38. The new vaccine was tested on orphans in Philadelphia.”


Did you catch that? Let me expound. Mothers in Philadelphia, who had been exposed to Rubella,

were convinced by their medical providers, in collaboration with the Wistar Institute, to abort their

babies to avoid potential complications. It took 27 abortive deaths of babies before one of the fetuses

was found to be infected with the Rubella virus. Forty additional babies were aborted following

the finding of the live virus on baby number 27. In total, 80 babies were aborted to produce

the Rubella vaccine, including those made to create the WI-38 cell strain.


Hmn . . . 80 is way more than 2!  And don’t neglect the last statement in that quote above!

Children, with no parents/guardians to speak for them, were used as test subjects for the

new vaccine.  That’s an entire other rabbit hole that is an outrage of human decency, human rights, and human dignity!


The WI-38 cell line has now expired, according Dr. Stanley Plotkin, a scientist, author, and

vaccine development expert. These cell lines are not replicable forever.  Therefore, other companies

and institutions get financial backing to create new fetal  cell lines for the manufacturing of vaccines. Basically,

this is now a  competitive market. I’m sorry to add to the horror.  In order to acquire living tissue,

the babies are aborted alive and their organs are procured without anesthesia. The callousness

of the researchers makes my blood run cold. See for yourself:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PN7FQCkiBp8


Are there other vaccines that utilize aborted fetal cell strains? Yes--nearly all of them.

However, some have ethical alternative brands thanks to the advocacy of Children of God for Life,

an organization bringing awareness to this vital issue. The ones for which there is no alternative

include the following diseases: MMR, Chickenpox, Acute Respiratory Disease.


The 2020 flu shot does not contain aborted fetal cell lines, but flu shots in the past have.

Some of the developing COVID-19 shots also include aborted fetal cell lines and some do not.

As the race to produce a vaccine comes to the finish line, you will have to read the label to

determine if the winner uses aborted fetal tissue.

You can also keep updated at  https://cogforlife.org/vaccine-overview/ .


I return to my original question: are there any traditions we hold to that are never questioned

but that cause great harm to some in order to preserve others? Is it right to sacrifice the life

of even just two precious children (if it were only two), let alone hundreds of babies to promote

the health of our society?  Is this medicine that would find approval in God’s eyes?  


What can be done?  Vote with your feet! Demand ethical vaccines. Join Children of God for Life,

follow and support their work. Educate yourself.  Share what you’ve learned with others.


I wish so much that I had done my research before I ever allowed my children’s arms

to be punctured and injected with immorally produced immunizations. My ignorance

has weighed upon me heavily. I thank God for opening my eyes to false traditions.  Now

that I am aware of the stone in my hand, I set it down.  I walk out of the Lottery, and I take my

family with me.  Better to live outside of the village, then to throw that stone one more time at

a fellow villager. Thank you for awakening me, Miss Addie!
















Sunday, March 31, 2019

Addie Update: February/March--Inside My Head


February began with Addie calmer and more stable than she'd yet been. We felt great hopes that this little girl would learn to hold up her neck and find her arms.  One day in her little bath, I dripped cold water on her arms. (Now that may seem cruel, but one of the therapies encourages us to play around with temperature--hot and cold.) Her little arms came up out of the water and flinched in response. First time! Joy of joys!

Then, the honeymoon ended, and the end of February brought a cascade of seizures like we hadn't seen in months.  It felt discouraging to be stepping back from progress.  Had we pushed her too hard?  Did we overwhelm her with all the therapy?  Or did her brain just need time to process?  We completed our weekly therapy with Dr. Oliver and just put a pause on everything.  Her seizures continued to come. But . . . I consoled myself, at least she's growing.

On February 28, we took her to her 18-month check-up.  I was excited to weigh her--those round little cheekers would have to mean we were nearing the 13 pound mark!

At  9 months, Addie weighed 12 lbs  7 oz
At 12 months, Addie weighed 12 lbs 9 oz

And at 18 months

12 lbs 5 oz.

Complete and utter FAIL!

I felt devastated.  This is my expertise--diet and nutrition-- and my baby is not growing!  What about those round cheeks!  Weren't her legs looking a bit chubby? What happened? The extra fat in her milk? Was it the increased seizure activity taking its toll? What an embarrassment!

As I stood there comprehending the numbers on the scale, I started questioning my psyche. Am I the opposite of an anorexic? They see themselves as fat so keep starving themselves, but I see Addie as chunky and so I don't feed her enough?? What about those fat cheeks? As I looked at her on the doctor's table, with new eyes, I thought, "Oh dear . . . those scrawny legs and those protruding ribs!  How did I ever think that she was gaining weight?"

That brought on another slew of questions as my Anne-of-Green-Gables-imagination went to work: What if I am one of those mothers who deliberately sabotage their children's health to get attention and pity?  What if the doctor is going to call the state on me? They'll come to my door and take my kids away to foster care.  I pictured myself in an orange jumpsuit, hugging my kids with bars of iron between us.

Still, my brain persisted: What if I'm just making this entire experience up, and if I just stopped, Addie would get all better?  The joy of that thought yanked me from the black hole of my imagination. My mind knew it  would take too much work for my brain to get past the reality of sleepless nights and the daily stress of a seizing baby!  If I was going to make something up, I'd let myself get sleep for sure, and Addie definitely would not seize . . . EVER!!

Once that emotional whirlwind passed, my rationalizing mind entered the scene: "Desi--its not your fault.  You've tried your best.  She seizes continually. That takes extra calories. She doesn't tolerate a higher feed rate. She vomits when you push food into her. You're boosting her milk with extra oil already.  What more can you do?  At least she's maintaining her weight, mostly."

Then the fear mind: "What is the doctor going to say to me? What if I'm not humble enough to take the counsel? What if I'm found in "contempt of the doctor's office"? What if they take control of feeding Addie and take her off her epilepsy diet?"

And finally, my grounded mind: "Desi--did you consistently fortify Addie's milk with extra coconut, cream, or olive oil?"

"Well . . . no, I cannot say did.  Sometimes I was just too tired to take the extra step to add oil to her milk.  Sometimes I just forgot. Sometimes I just thought, "I'll do it next time . . .she's gaining weight . . .it will be fine."

My grounded mind again: "Desi--you're doing all the right things.  You just need to be consistent about it.  Fortify every bottle of milk you give to Addie."

How I love the no-nonsense practicality of my grounded mind!

Now, of course, my sweet pediatrician did not lecture me or criticize.  She simply said, "We need to get this baby more calories!"  Since February 28, I've been consistent! Mashed avocados, nut butters, and olive, coconut, and grapeseed oil have been added to Addie's g-tube menu.

In March, Addie continued with lots of seizure activity and profuse sweating that tried to rob her calories.  Double ear infections took us back to the doctor's on March 28. But in spite of all that, guess what she weighed!

March 28, 1019: 12 lbs 15 oz!

Consistency! It works!









Thursday, February 21, 2019

A Mother's Musings: Awake and Arise!

"And, while I never spoke publicly regarding this issue, I’m publicly apologizing.  I’m sorry that I never even considered the opposing side to the argument,  and I’m sorry for my ignorance and callousness to the intense suffering of  so many parents as they stood helpless over their seizing children . . . . Finally, I’m committing to never speak on any issue again until I’ve heard both sides and actually researched it!"   
"Learn to see clearly," Addie encourages!

This I wrote in my post from January 29, 2018 titled "Humble Pie--munch,munch" regarding medical marijuana. Committed to following through on that statement, I have taken about a year to look into both sides of another controversial issue: Vaccinations.

Addie makes me confront things that I slept through during my watch over my older children. If you've ever over-ridden your mother-instinct, you know the pain of regret. In hopes that you will have confidence to follow your instinct, I offer the following resources. I plead with you to research BOTH sides of the vaccination issue and become an educated citizen. This issue matters to everyone--old, young, healthy, ill, taxpayer, citizen.

Ephesians 5:14-17: Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light.  See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.  Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

I researched four books from the library, internet sites, lectures, and documentaries from differing viewpoints to study this issue.  Knowing that not everyone has the will or time to read,  here are some of the best resources I've found that will assist you:

Vaccines Revealed
https://www.vaccinesrevealed.com/
A free 9 episode docu-series interviewing professionals from law, environmental, medicine, statistics, science, etc. on vaccinations.  This series is the MOST comprehensive, informative, easily accessed education I've come across.  Every episode increased my learning.  A MUST watch!  Robert F. Kennedy's interview in Episode 3 is critical!

Center for Disease Control
https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/index.html

The government website where you'll find great information on the diseases vaccinations intend to prevent, symptoms, risks of diseases, etc.

National Vaccine Information Center
https://www.nvic.org/Ask-Eight-Questions.aspx
https://www.nvic.org/vaccines-and-diseases/Measles.aspx

This site tracks vaccine injury, statistics, and teaches you what you need to know to make an informed choice. Here's a sampling regarding Measles:

In 1960, three years before the first measles vaccine was put on the market in the U.S., there were about 442,000 reported measles cases and 380 related deaths, 8 9 among the 3.5 to 5 million Americans who were likely infected with measles. 10 11 Today, deaths from measles are rare in the U.S. with the last reported measles related death occurring in 2015.12




  • As of November 30, 2018, there have been more than 92,844 reports of measles vaccine reactions, hospitalizations, injuries and deaths following measles vaccinations made to the federal Vaccine Adverse Events Reporting System (VAERS), including 457 related deaths, 6,902 hospitalizations, and 1,736 related disabilities. Over 50% of those adverse events occurred in children three years old and under.
  • As of January 2, 2019, there had been 1,258 claims filed in the federal Vaccine Injury Compensation Program (VICP) for injuries and deaths following MMR vaccination, including 82 deaths and 1,176 serious injuries
Cochrane Library (great resource for reviews of available research outside of industry bias)


Sunday, January 6, 2019

A Mother's Musings: When the Heavens are Silent

Through Addie's entire life (these past 16-months), I have sought counsel from the Lord as to how to proceed in her care, what resources I needed to look to, how I could advocate for her, and basically what is the best way to help her.  However, I have neither felt nor heard the Lord's counsel.

I felt like the author of the poem "Footprints in the Sand," who queried God:


"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."


I knew that if He would just answer me, I could move forward with confidence in what Addie needed--I could demand the doctors to give her good nourishment instead of taking away her mother's milk; I could say no to drugs; I would know what genetic tests to order; I could wean off her seizure meds with certainty instead of self-doubt. I could just act in Knowledge of what would work instead floundering in Faith of what I hoped would work!  Wouldn't that be better than me bumbling along and making so many errors in the life of this fragile gift from Heaven?  Surely Heaven wants me to succeed in this most important endeavor.  Why the silence?

I analyzed my life thoroughly over and over to see if I had breached my covenants in any way that would prevent me from receiving answers.  I asked for understanding behind such limited, counsel sent my way. Was I too tired? Yes. Too time-constrained? Yes.  Too mentally and emotionally preoccupied? Absolutely. The state of my life then and now isn't going to change any of those barriers to revelation, so I prayed in repentance for a way around them.

This month, as I worshiped in the temple, I pondered again how I could get the heavens to unlock for me to give me the revelation I seek on so many matters--not only Addie.  As I performed Initiatory ordinances, I listened intently to the promises given.  Suddenly, my mind and heart felt enlightened.  I realized that I have been promised a mind that can decipher between options.  If I'm not receiving guidance from God then He must trust me to exercise the intelligence he's already given me. He must trust that I can take care of Addie and all my other assignments. He expects me to "use my brain!"   I had to laugh at that!  I also felt humbled.  Here the wisest Man in the universe, who could so readily give me the answers I seek, knows I will grow in wisdom if I learn to use the mind He's already blessed me with.

Put another way, Sister Sharon Eubank spoke in a Relief Society Fireside in my Stake earlier this year.  She said that President Packer once said in a meeting regarding receiving revelation: "If the light is green, its always a Go." Another image that comes to mind is the way an Islander taught his kids to swim: he simply tossed them out of the boat into the ocean.   If the Lord gave us instruction and counsel on everything, how would we ever learn to think, to test, to explore, to grow?  We need times of silence to stretch our capacity to become as He is: able to "counsel in wisdom over all His works" (Jacob 4:10).

Beware, however, of rationalizing away His command to "counsel with the Lord in all thy doings" (Alma 37:37). He may choose to be silent for our personal growth, but we need to ever seek His counsel regardless. To do otherwise, cuts us off from Him by eroding our faith and trust, for we have been commanded "to repent and call upon God in the name of the Son forevermore" (Moses 5:4).  

Knowing that there are times the heavens are just going to be silent for our own growth, we can take confidence, after ensuring we are keeping our covenants, that God trusts us.  We can move forward with faith in Him, His work, and especially in the faith He has in us. Then, we can conclude as does the final stanza of "Footprints in the Sand:"


"My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."

Sunday, December 2, 2018

A Mother's Musings: Living with Addie is like . . .


  • sleeping next to a Richter 1 earthquake
  • loving and living with an angel
  • holding a fish out of water
  • seeing every moment and every movement as a miracle
  • when your dog gets hit by a car and confused, he looks up at you with dark sorrowful eyes pleading for help as his body shakes and convulses
  • being perpetually in the newborn stage 
  • getting quarantined
  • an emotional roller coaster--thrilling heights and horrible stomach knots as you balance precariously at the top of the hill prior toward spiraling down to valley lows
  • learning to be a home and hospice nurse
  • watching others eat when you're starving
  • delighting in the smallest developmental movement
  • being under house-arrest
  • playing the game "I love you but I just can't smile" everyday and losing to Addie every time
  • never fully asleep and never fully awake
  • bursting with love
  • a wound that never heals
  • taking one day at a time
  • ever stepping into the dark awaiting the light that will come
  • becoming a massage/physical/occupational/vision/communication therapist
  • a long-lasting longing
  • playing with a doll
  • holding onto hope 
  •  living in the moment joyfully
  • questioning yourself and doubting yourself daily, "Am I doing the right thing for her?"
  • never planning ahead
  • living in constant awe of babies/children--how they smile, coo, eat, cry, crawl, walk, lift their neck, arms, roll . . . all by themselves
  • playing with a tamagotchi toy--where the pet leaves the screen and you're not sure where it went or when it will return
  • trying to dress a barbie-like doll from the dollar star--the knees and elbows don't flex/bend and you must really stretch and nearly tear the clothes to get them on or off
  • intense gratitude for the gift of Addie

Monday, June 11, 2018

Mother's Day Conversations


Eskimo Kisses
"Don't cry, Mama . . . it will be alright."

"I know, baby . . ., but sometimes, I just can't help the tears."
"I love you, Mama." 
"Love you too, sweet girl."





Monday, December 25, 2017

Addie Update: I am Home for Christmas!

Merry Christmas (a.k.a. in sign language) 
She's home!  Thank you to all the doctors, nurses, RTs, and staff who made this possible.  And thank you to all our friends, neighbors, family, and even strangers who have prayed her 'alive & home.' We love you!!

Onto the next mountain. . .  

--The Wightmans




 

Monday, December 18, 2017

Addie Update: Addie's Lullaby


Since I've written a lullaby for all my babies, my kids continually asked me for three months after Addie's birth, "Have you written Addie's song yet?"  It took going to Primary Children's Hospital before the inspiration came.  I needed to meet other parents, with children of all ages, who devote their lives to serving their ill children, and I needed to meet  other health-challenged children. So,  Addie's Lullaby is dedicated to all those children out there who struggle with mental, emotional, or physical challenges . . . and especially to their parents who love and serve them.  I didn't really understand what charity could be until I met these parents.
  

So, if you'll forgive my morning voice after just coming in from milking the cows, without further adieu:

Addie's Lullaby


Be gentle with my baby--
You don't know where she's been--
The road she's had to travel down
To get back up again.
Life for her's not easy,
It's all a mountain to climb;
So be gentle with my baby,
And grow in grace divine.

Be gentle with my baby.
She may not play like you,
But she's in need of friendship,
and she's got feelings too.
Invite her and include her.
Be patient when she tries.
Change tears of sorrow to tears of joy
Within her mother's eyes.

Be gentle with my baby.
Hear her mother's plea,
For one day when the Savior comes,
He'll lift her upon his knee.
As His loving arms enfold her,
She'll find healing in His wings--
And hearts will mend & knees will bend;
In praise and glory sing.

. . . And hearts will mend & knees will bend;
In praise and glory sing.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Thank you for your prayers!

Hi Friends & Family--

Thank you for your prayers, thoughts, and love.  It worked enough for today!  

All the doctors in the Maternal Fetal Clinic consulted together on my case and decided the transfusion was just too risky at this point without a definite diagnosis of anemia.  The test results today came in just lower than those of yesterday . . . just enough to take the baby to a lower level indicator of anemia & cause the doctors to decide to wait! 

I feel so JOYFUL to not have to do that invasive procedure tomorrow . . . especially where the confidence in the diagnosis has yet to be confirmed. I felt the hand of the Lord today in this as two different professionals took about 8 readings of the blood velocity measurement and ALL came back in that lower bracket. :-)

The clinic will now pursue other causes for the fluid in the lungs.  Meanwhile, they ran a non-stress test and the baby is doing AWESOME!! No heart issues, no compression on the lungs, kicking, moving, handling contractions, etc. . . .

I go in Monday for more tests and they will continue to monitor/test me twice a week to ensure the fluid around baby's lungs isn't causing damage to organs, which will result in emergency delivery, etc.

Thanks again for your faith in our behalf.  Thank you for your kind messages.  I cannot respond to them all, but I do feel your love and concern.  I will appreciate it if you'll continue to keep the baby in your prayers in regards to the doctors' ability to find the reason behind the fluid, create a plan of action for the baby, and especially that the baby won't come pre-maturely.  I want to emphasis that I feel happy and at peace--that things will work out the way they are supposed to in order that this child can fulfill its mission.  I sense some of you are feeling much angst over this, and I just hope you'll find as much peace as I feel regarding this child. 

Love you!!

Desi