When Addie, at 18 months, weighed less than she had at 9 months, I felt sick. As I waited for the doctor to come lecture me, I felt such a pit of dread in my stomach. As detailed in the previous update, my mind ran through several scenarios and tried to run, hide, excuse, rationalize, or negate the scale's results. Now, of course, my wonderful doctor did not lecture me. She loves little Addie and she loves me. She simply said, "We need to get this baby some calories."As I pondered upon that experience, I thought of King Belshazzar in the book of Daniel. While feasting with thousands of his nobles, wives, and concubines, he calls for the gold and silver vessels robbed from the Lord's temple in Jerusalem. The guests proceed to drink wine from the sacred vessels. Suddenly, the king sees a man's hand materialize and write a message on the far wall: MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN. The frightened king calls for all his magicians and wise men to interpret the message. His fear increases to frenzy when they cannot do it. Finally, his queen recommends they call the prophet Daniel. And, of course, Daniel, interprets the writing handily.
TEKEL: "Thou art weighed in the balance and found wanting." (See Daniel 5 for the rest of the interpretation).
At her 18 month appointment, TEKEL described Addie. And, as the responsible party, I felt a little like King Belshazzar--my knees shaking at the realization of how much TEKEL described me!
I projected this tiny experience of stark accountability to my future. Someday, I will stand before my maker to give accounting. At that moment, all the stories, the rationalizations, the good intentions, the excuses, and the blame will melt away. I will see things as they really are and know exactly what I did and did not do. Like King Belshaazr, will I have spent a lifetime feasting from the Lord's vessels only to find that I'd filled them with the frivolity of Babylon instead of the Living Water?
At that day, I will certainly be weighed . . . by myself! And, just like my sweet doctor, the Lord will love me regardless of my lack, or in spite of it. However, I will judge myself against His perfect, redemptive mercy, and I , of course, will be found wanting. But . . . is there anything I can change now in order to be less "wanting"?
Adding oil consistently to Addie's milk is such a simple step to take, but it makes a monumental difference in getting her the calories she needs to battle her seizures. When I'm hit-n-miss with this step, its as if I never did anything at all! What is the "oil" in my life that I'm not being consistent about? What are those small frequent activities that add up to monumental spiritual weight gain, especially as they lead to ever clearer receptivity to the Holy Ghost?
President Russel M. Nelson answers: "Nothing opens the heavens quite like the combination of increased purity, exact obedience, earnest seeking, daily feasting on the words of Christ in the Book of Mormon, and regular time committed to temple and family history work."
Such simple things! The over-arching theme in the lack of Addie's weight gain was my inconsistency. I had such good intentions! I'd studied how to specifically help her with epilepsy through dietary changes, but I did not apply that knowledge consistently. Likewise, I often have such good intentions when it comes to my spiritual life. I know what I need to do to grow, but studying and applying are quite two different things. And so, my inconsistent half-hearted efforts will lead to minimal spiritual weight gain.
Well--thank goodness for repentance! I'm in process of daily consistent nourishment for Miss Addie. And. . . right away, we see progress! No more scrawny, skeletal legs for her. And yes, those little, kissable cheeks really are pinch-able now! Results come and they come fast when I'm consistent in my spiritual nourishment as well. I hear promptings of the Holy Ghost faster. I'm more enabled to be disciplined, and I'm increasingly edified by the things of holiness. For now, Judgement Day is pending, but the preparation to get there begins consistently TODAY!
